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We've all been there. You put your foot in your mouth while having a conversation with a friend. You said a ton of mean things you shouldn't have in a moment of fury. You make an improper joke at a party (that sounded funny in your head) and now you feel the blood rushing to your face while you face pubic embarrassment.
My oh my, what a dilemma you are in. Initiate nail-biting, staying awake replaying the moment in your mind for hours, and dodging that person (or persons if you are so unfortunate) until you decide you can come out of the shadows.
I am the queen (#slay) when it comes to putting myself in sticky situations. One situation specifically taught me so much about myself that I will never forget it. Rewind to 2017, I wanted to reward myself and planned a weekend getaway with my closest girlfriends. I let them know when we'd leave/come back and a few more details and awaited a prompt yes/no to plan sleeping arrangements and what not accordingly. Sounds feasible, right?
Fast forward a few weeks and I was missing one confirmation. At the time, an uber confrontational/woe is me/the world is falling self - felt the weight of an emotional crisis over something that some of your might read and think, that's it? The uncertainty made me feel a ton of emotions. Did she not want to come because I'm boring? Maybe my semi-sorted out plans weren't cool enough? Were we growing distant and I didn't even notice? The limbo made me upset and eventually, angry.
In an odd series of events with one slip up and a lot of he said - she said, my friend ended up finding out I said a lot of mean things about her. So here I found myself in the situation I described earlier. That moment when you feel like your naked in a room full of people thinking you couldn't have made a bigger mistake if you tried, and you don't know whether to respond in anger, cry your heart out in embarrassment, or laugh and act like it's no big deal (key word is ACT because you know you'll stress about it for days and weeks). You are now in the Situation Room: Intensity 1000.
Often, when we end up in a predicament like this, there's a little voice in our heads that makes you stop and think even for a second, "are you sure you want to say that?" The biggest lesson I learned was to stop and heed that warning. Stressful times in our lives may be making us angrier or more sensitive to external events that otherwise wouldn't bother us. Be careful of how you are reacting to outside forces when you're not in the best mental state. Try to be considerate of your thoughts and actions to avoid putting someone else through the pain you are already dealing with. Ask yourself, are you currently depressed, feeling anxious, or feeling some other heavy burden that's causing you to be more sensitive that you usually are? The following might give you a starting point to begin the healing process for everyone involved and allow you to forgive yourself for the mistake as well.
First, start with taking your personal emotion and bias out of the situation and replace it with what the other person(s) is going through. How did you make them feel? What exactly about your words or actions offended or hurt them? How would you have felt being in their shoes? We get so caught up in how we feel and our own turmoil that we completely disregard how the person is going to deal with the results of our actions. Take into consideration their personality type and communication style and put some real thought into how to approach the matter.
Next, acknowledge what you did wrong! Crazy, I know. Having the mental fortitude to be able to identify when you've made a mistake and how to correct that for the future takes a lot of courage and self-reflection. Find the strength to accept your failures in all aspects of life and be kind to yourself in the process. The sooner you are at peace with being a beautifully imperfect human being, the sooner you can start living a more balanced life. Use the lesson as a golden opportunity to learn how to become a better friend, partner, employee, or family member for the future. You'll thank yourself later for learning its importance the first time.
Don't put off your apology but don't rush it if you don't mean it either. Offering a sincere apology can make or break a relationship and the process can be extremely taxing. Think through how you'll effectively communicate what your feelings are without creating even more conflict. Often, the person you've offended just wants a simple and heartfelt "I'm sorry."
Finally, once you've taken the time to self-inspect yourself and what improvements can be made and given an honest and sincere apology - MOVE ON. The person may forgive you, may not. You may gain back everyone's approval or they might veer away from you forever. They have the right to make whichever decision they choose just as much as you. It is your responsibility to respect it. Use these stumbles as opportunities to reflect on your emotional state and what you are communicating to the world. The good and the bad.
Our world is quickly becoming a place where being mean and not accepting responsibility for your actions is celebrated and laughed at as harmless. We've created an environment where people with little to no rectitude can thrive and become examples of "success" for the generations to come. In everything we do, we are setting an example. You never know who is looking up to you or what someone else is going through, so be the best version of yourself even in the most menial of tasks. As much as possible, consider the implications of what you are about to say. When you make mistakes, simply apologize! Something as small as being a kindhearted person willing to admit their wrong doings has become a radical act these days - I invite you to join the rebel gang.
Remember to "do onto others as you would have done onto you," and when you do happen to stumble, make strides to apologize to those you've hurt. You'll thank yourself later when you realize how much you've grown in character.